he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
