the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
