I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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