Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
