i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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