I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
