I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
