Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I look better un-naked...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
