i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
