He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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