Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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