my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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