he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
