So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
