I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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