It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
