I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so that wasnt chicken after all
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
