She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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