So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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