At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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