I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize