I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I touched a dick in church today
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
