Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
ttyl tear gas
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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