Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
