we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize