How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
