My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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