yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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