i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
