and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
