I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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