Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
