My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
