He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
