Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
