my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
