I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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