somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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