From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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