that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
