so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
