thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
