Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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