is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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