i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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