Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
