Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
