and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I currently don't understand fingers.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
