I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
