We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
