My first STD was from a foam party
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
