can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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