I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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