im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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