just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
