wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
