I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize