You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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