I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
