Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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