Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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