Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
