I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
