You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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