we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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