I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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