i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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