Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
