Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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