dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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