Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
