You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
