somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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