shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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