On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
