he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
