his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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