It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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