I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
