i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
