i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I met the friendliest cop last night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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