she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
