i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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