Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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