what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
