No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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