so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
