I think my vagina is haunted
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
