It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
