im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
