He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
