sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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