is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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