you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
