the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
