why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
